How do you handle your important conversations? Do you plan and organize your difficult conversations BEFORE they take place?

I am a reader. I have always enjoyed reading books that help me better understand myself, those I care about, and the world around me. The last two books I read, ‘Crucial Conversations’ by leadership consultants Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler AND ‘Without Offense – The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism’ by Dr. John Lund both taught me how to better handle important discussions in a way that is not offensive and can strengthen relationships.

Patterson and group defined difficult conversations as a discussion between two or more people where: (1) the stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

I learned from Patterson’s group that “when participants hold back (because they are afraid of the consequences, want to spare someone’s feelings or don’t want to escalate a conflict) a true dialogue CAN NOT take place.” When you organize your difficult conversations, both participants should be open and remain emotion free.

One of THE most important things I learned in reading Crucial Conversations was to STAY FOCUSED. When I organize my difficult conversations I should be sure I clearly understand WHAT I WANT, WHAT I WANT FOR THE OTHER PERSON and WHAT I WANT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP. I need to also understand before beginning what I DON’T WANT the outcome of the conversation to be. “The only person I can directly control is myself.”

When YOU organize your difficult conversations, the authors of CC suggest you might begin with a dialogue much like this: “I’d like to talk with you about something that is getting in the way of my working with you.  It is a little touchy, but I feel it will help if we can talk about it.  When would you be willing to meet with me and discuss _______?” Dr. John Lund suggests you should ALWAYS ask permission to discuss the issue before you begin the discussion.

Start your conversation with Patterson’s groups ABC’s.

• What you Agree with or on
• Build & add on elements you do not agree on THEN
• Compare the differences

WHEN your organized difficult conversation begins to go bad do these things:

• Apologize when appropriate “The last thing I wanted to do was ___________ (hurt your feelings, make you angry).  I do value you(r) ___________  (friendship, opinion, etc.
• Stay committed to the dialogue. Remember, you organized your difficult conversation so focus on how to move toward what you really hoped to accomplish. Then
• Explore THEIR perspective. Ask questions and mirror responses to guarantee you understand what they are meaning to say.

I do understand that many of these conversations surface when we least expect them. Just this evening I was sucked into one of these difficult conversations which I handled poorly. Medical studies now show that just a modest improvement in the ability to talk and connect with others corresponded to a two-thirds decrease in the death rate of those in later years.

Dr. Lund taught me in his book that when I hope for something that I have very little control over…that is a wish. When I hope, plan and organize something that I do have control over…that becomes a goal.  Let’s take control of our emotions. It is of GREAT value to all of us to learn how to organize our Difficult Conversations. You can do this.

Today is your turn to better someone’s life. Leave a comment telling us what your most difficult conversations have dealt with and what the outcome of that difficult conversation was. Thanks for sharing!

Listen to my online show numbered 032 Organize your Difficult Conversations to hear Laura and I discuss this important issue.

Organize your Vital Records

In a nutshell, your most important papers are called vital records. Organizing important papers is essential and your vital records need to be easily assessable for them to be any good to you. Vital Records are papers with information that is crucial about you, your family, your home, your finances, your health, and your history. (Think: marriage certificates, social security cards, military discharge papers, life insurance policies, etc.) Most of us have had occasion to need specific information and documents at a moment’s notice. Maybe you’ve already thought about gathering your vital records together, but have never gotten around to it. Or, maybe you’ve tried to gather and organize your most important papers, but have gotten stuck. Some of the “roadblocks” to accomplishing this task are:

•we don’t know where to start or what to look for

•we’re not sure what needs to be kept

•the prospect of collecting all the data is overwhelming OR

•there is just too much paper to go through

Well, now is the time to begin Organizing your Vital Records with my 3 Step ACT formula:

First, ASSESS by taking a look at where you are and asking yourself:

1. Why haven’t I done this before?

2. Why do I need to get going on this project?

3. Where am I stuck and why?

4. What is the most important 1st thing I can do today to get all my vital documents in place?

You may recognize some emotional and accountability issues as you begin gathering these important papers—but don’t let them discourage you.

Next, CREATE  – Decide on a planning strategy. To begin the planning stage, I typically begin with six general document categories, then we sub-categorize those according to the needs of my client. Once you have decided on a plan, calendar the task. Begin with a beginning and completion date. Be realistic about the time you will need to invest in organizing your vital records. I would suggest you plan anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months to complete this organizing task. Be sure to work on gathering the needed information each week. Consider options for storage of your vital records by making sure your items are secured.

Step 3 in my organizing formula is TACKLE. This is the step most people actually associate with the project: digging in to the paper, sorting, categorizing, etc.

Your vital records can be housed on-site or off-site. Choose a container that will protect them from damage. For me this includes archival plastic sheets and a waterproof, fireproof portable safe. The labeling is critical! You also need to decide on a location for final storage of these important papers. Some considerations include: a home safe, off-site storage, a safety deposit box, etc.

As circumstances change, so will some of your vital documents (examples: durable financial power of attorney, health care power of attorney, or living will). It’s a great idea to review your important documents ‘collection’ yearly. Be sure to let someone you trust know WHERE these important papers are kept, then review them together.

Often, we are left to deal with emergencies without the necessary knowledge and paperwork to make decisions and move forward. In times of tragedy, we find ourselves with mountains of important papers instead of being able to take the necessary time to reflect and mourn. Organizing your vital records is a MOST IMPORTANT organizing project. I am sure that the time and money you invest NOW in completing this project will offer you the security and calm of knowing where ALL your important papers are located. You don’t want to worry about retrieval of these important documents at a time when your emotions run high.

Peace of mind is worth a little time NOW, isn’t it? If you need my experience and help in Organizing YOUR Important Papers, please contact me. This project is one you want to make sure is done correctly.

Available for purchase in September 2010, my VITAL RECORDS ORGANIZER which can be purchased in the WIN store online. For further information listen now to my online show, The Organized Woman Show. Show number 031 deals with this very topic.

As part of January 2010 National Get Organized Month I am pleased to offer you this FREE downloadable form focusing on balancing work and family life. By investing 10 minutes each week YOU will become a life balance for women pro. Click here to download your quick and easy Life Balance Worksheet.

Please share with other visitors your favorite life balance tip(s) by leaving a comment. You can do this by clicking on the green numeral next to the word “comments” above.

If you are expecting marital success, then planning for success in your blended family, can be easier achieved with some environmental home tips:

Remember to:

• Be realistic
• Be patient AND
• Limit your expectations

Click here to listen to Blended Family Tips part 1 & 2 by my dear friends, Janet and Lisa, on my online show The Organized Woman Show.

Click here to find some great information and to answer the question, What is a blended family? by family help

One more good information article I found while researching, Creating a Happy Blended Family by suite 101.

Blending a family of any variety is an obstacle course with many hardships already built-in to jump over & climb above. The holiday season is especially hard because of all the memories (bad AND good) that come attached to each blended family member.  This week I invited my friend and neighbor, Janet Peterson, mother of 11 children combined, to share some Blended Family Holiday Tips. Listen here to show #023. My friend Janet has maneuvered the course for many years and has been successful! She shares specifics on holiday activities and traditions that have worked for her blended family over the years. A few suggestions include these: