How do you handle your important conversations? Do you plan and organize your difficult conversations BEFORE they take place?

I am a reader. I have always enjoyed reading books that help me better understand myself, those I care about, and the world around me. The last two books I read, ‘Crucial Conversations’ by leadership consultants Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler AND ‘Without Offense – The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism’ by Dr. John Lund both taught me how to better handle important discussions in a way that is not offensive and can strengthen relationships.

Patterson and group defined difficult conversations as a discussion between two or more people where: (1) the stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

I learned from Patterson’s group that “when participants hold back (because they are afraid of the consequences, want to spare someone’s feelings or don’t want to escalate a conflict) a true dialogue CAN NOT take place.” When you organize your difficult conversations, both participants should be open and remain emotion free.

One of THE most important things I learned in reading Crucial Conversations was to STAY FOCUSED. When I organize my difficult conversations I should be sure I clearly understand WHAT I WANT, WHAT I WANT FOR THE OTHER PERSON and WHAT I WANT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP. I need to also understand before beginning what I DON’T WANT the outcome of the conversation to be. “The only person I can directly control is myself.”

When YOU organize your difficult conversations, the authors of CC suggest you might begin with a dialogue much like this: “I’d like to talk with you about something that is getting in the way of my working with you.  It is a little touchy, but I feel it will help if we can talk about it.  When would you be willing to meet with me and discuss _______?” Dr. John Lund suggests you should ALWAYS ask permission to discuss the issue before you begin the discussion.

Start your conversation with Patterson’s groups ABC’s.

• What you Agree with or on
• Build & add on elements you do not agree on THEN
• Compare the differences

WHEN your organized difficult conversation begins to go bad do these things:

• Apologize when appropriate “The last thing I wanted to do was ___________ (hurt your feelings, make you angry).  I do value you(r) ___________  (friendship, opinion, etc.
• Stay committed to the dialogue. Remember, you organized your difficult conversation so focus on how to move toward what you really hoped to accomplish. Then
• Explore THEIR perspective. Ask questions and mirror responses to guarantee you understand what they are meaning to say.

I do understand that many of these conversations surface when we least expect them. Just this evening I was sucked into one of these difficult conversations which I handled poorly. Medical studies now show that just a modest improvement in the ability to talk and connect with others corresponded to a two-thirds decrease in the death rate of those in later years.

Dr. Lund taught me in his book that when I hope for something that I have very little control over…that is a wish. When I hope, plan and organize something that I do have control over…that becomes a goal.  Let’s take control of our emotions. It is of GREAT value to all of us to learn how to organize our Difficult Conversations. You can do this.

Today is your turn to better someone’s life. Leave a comment telling us what your most difficult conversations have dealt with and what the outcome of that difficult conversation was. Thanks for sharing!

Listen to my online show numbered 032 Organize your Difficult Conversations to hear Laura and I discuss this important issue.

As part of January 2010 National Get Organized Month I am pleased to offer you this FREE downloadable form focusing on balancing work and family life. By investing 10 minutes each week YOU will become a life balance for women pro. Click here to download your quick and easy Life Balance Worksheet.

Please share with other visitors your favorite life balance tip(s) by leaving a comment. You can do this by clicking on the green numeral next to the word “comments” above.

Home Organizing Workshops

Join Vicki for any or all of the 3 classes she will be teaching during the month of January 2010 in conjunction with National Get Organized Month. The class information is listed below. If you have any questions about the Utah professional orgainzer, Vicki Winterton, and her organizing classes please contact us.

“I just wanted to say thank you for your time in teaching me about time management. As you promised, the “Action File” has changed my life. I’m able to stay on top of the paper mess that comes into my home. I knew the importance of daily maintenance prior to your class (I only learned this in the last year!), but you’ve taught me how to perform daily maintenance on the paper mess, not just tidying the house. Wow! What a great thing!” –Diane, 2009 UVUcommunity education class

Are you tired of making New Year’s Resolutions that, by the end of January, have become another failed attempt at improved self image or moral? Each resolution you set represents a longing of the heart, a personal stretch toward better health, more happiness, or increased wisdom. THIS YEAR  try a new approach. By working on one resolution or goal at a time and following my few simple steps below you will find success in making and keeping your New Years Resolutions.

To begin, make a list or a photo board of your successes this past year. Don’t be modest; make sure you note the learning and the progression that happened.

Next, begin the process of defining your new goals by setting up major goals broken into smaller goal steps:

1. Personalize your goals. Make them specific to you. Use the words “I” and “me” often. Realize you need to focus in on YOU in this step.
2. Write as if you had already accomplished the goal.  Use such terms as “I have”, “I see”, “I feel”, etc.
3. Adjectivize (my own word) the benefits of the Resolution. Use lots of descriptive words to explain the benefits of achieving your goals and resolutions. Words such as: calming, peaceful, energized, terrific, etc.
4. Calendar and schedule with (a) beginning, (b) progression, and (c) completion dates.

Reward yourself with prizes or recognitions of achievement not only when you complete your set goal, but also each day you actively work toward your desired resolution.

Complete THEN Repeat. When you have completed your first New Years Resolution, begin on goal #2. However grand the change we hope for, the vehicle for change is small, simple, daily steps that move us forward. It is the step by step changes each day and week that transport a new goal or resolution to completion. Change is ALWAYS hard for us to make. Be sure you  don’t overwhelm yourself by working on too many goals at once.

If you would like to receive my New Years Resolutions/New Goals Template, please leave a comment on this post and share with us what YOUR top three New Years Resolutions are this year. We love to hear from you!

Just think of it, for ½ the cost of a new desk or ½ the cost of a new TV set, YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE can receive the gift of peace! In fact, I guarantee greater peace of mind!

Imagine the opportunity to organize your home spaces or business office spaces so they are easily maintained for $500 or less at my special Christmas rates?

Suggest this gift option to those buying gifts for you OR give this gift to someone you love who has tried and just doesn’t have the know how to make it happen on their own.

Organizing Gift Certificates Available

Contact me now for organizing help once and for all at 801-623-8411

I help frazzled women and men remember how peace looks and feels. As a Utah Valley organizer (professional), productivity coach and small business owner, I have learned much about business development through the Utah Valley Small Business Development Center located in Orem. One of my favorite parts of being a business owner is recognizing ways to better my business services and offerings. Five days ago I attended a class on Social Networking offered through the center.  I thought social networking might be a new way to inform others of the benefits of organizing and managing 1st their time, then their office spaces, papers, data, and computer’s email inbox.

The instructor, Sean Roylance, began talking about Facebook and Twitter; pointing out the benefits of each option. As he discussed the benefits of twitter, he brought up a sample of his twitter page after saying that he was very careful to ONLY follow those individuals that he felt gave him consistently good information. In fact he, as a computer website programmer and SEO specialist, limits the people he follows to a mere 20 individuals.

I was delighted to see my friend and mentor (a tech savvy wonder woman) Janet Meiners Thaeler aka NewspaperGirl up on his screen. Janet made a big difference in my business a year ago. I heard her speak at an event and we became friends. She helped me get my newly redesigned website up and taught me some basic tips about marketing my business online. She is known more recently for her insights involving Press Releases (see her new book, I Need a Killer Press Release, Now What??? )

Along with Sean, I too value her insights and knowledge. She helped me set up this blog and convinced me that taking my business online was a good idea. Her work has allowed many clients to find me and benefit from the organizing services and productivity coaching I offer them. Her insights have allowed me to help others live their best life.

If YOU are a small business owner and would like to better manage your business, I would suggest looking into the classes offered through your local Small Business Development Center. And be sure to read Janet’s posts (here’s a recent one she wrote for Small Business Trends about getting publicity).

Each day I acknowledge something I am grateful for. Today I found three: Janet, Sean, and the Utah Valley Small Business Development Center.

I was interviewed on the WIN Show (The Womens Information Network) this month because I am a show host with The Organized Woman Show. In the interview, we talked about how my FREE WIN online radio show, The Organized Woman Show, can benefit listeners in their lives. We touched on systems for organizing your shoes, systems for organizing your papers, systems for organizing your time, and how to organize any portion of your life.  To watch the interview, click the title here: The Organized Woman Show with Vicki Winterton.

My show co-host, Laura, and I record and upload 8 new shows a month. Our shows talk you through the steps to plan and organize your spaces, your papers, your office, your family, your personal time, etc.  If you would like to be notified by email each time a new organizing show is available to our listeners, subscribe to The Organized Woman Show through RSS or Itunes feeds by clicking on this link and then click on  the or logos on the right side of the web page to subscribe yourself through your email account. You can then pick and choose which shows interest you.

I’d love to have you join me to win online at The Organized Woman Show for ANY of the many 12 minute shows that meet your needs or may be the answer to an organizing question you need answered. If you have an organizing concern that a new show could answer for you, just email me at vicki.theorganizedwomanshow@gmail.com and recommend a show topic. Be sure to include your specific question or concern.

My goal and the goal of The Organized Woman Show is to allow you to live a better life by learning a new way to accomplish your life goals. I want to help you live your best life!

I was called by my friend and the CEO of the WIN online, Paula Fellingham, a few months back and asked to organize many of the comings and goings of show hosts for the upcoming Women’s Information Network National Launch on September 26, 2009 in Salt Lake City, Utah. I used my SPARK formula to organize three points of need for the WIN executive team. (I always consider it a great compliment to be asked to manage or organize anything by someone who already knows me.) Yesterday I finished up the job they had confidence I could do:

Set into Categories all the show hosts coming into Utah from out of state

Purge from the list those, who after financial consideration or time constraints, had reluctantly changed their minds

Assign incoming show hosts a recording time for the WIN Show and lodging accommodations during their stay

Round up airport transport times for pick ups and deliveries

Keep the documents easy to find and organized on my computer until Paula and the WIN executive team were ready to put my plan into action

Oh, the mind of a professional organizer and experienced corporate events manager. (I gained “events management” work experience years ago by working with three of the largest corporations in Utah. That experience benefited me greatly.)

The WIN online executive team

I learned much as I worked this event. I am excited to greet these accomplished WIN show hosts who have been communicating with me the past 30 days.

Please, join us for a day of learning at the Salt Lake Community College Campus Auditorium just west of the freeway on 9400 South. I’ll be speaking. See you there.