How do you handle your important conversations? Do you plan and organize your difficult conversations BEFORE they take place?

I am a reader. I have always enjoyed reading books that help me better understand myself, those I care about, and the world around me. The last two books I read, ‘Crucial Conversations’ by leadership consultants Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler AND ‘Without Offense – The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism’ by Dr. John Lund both taught me how to better handle important discussions in a way that is not offensive and can strengthen relationships.

Patterson and group defined difficult conversations as a discussion between two or more people where: (1) the stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

I learned from Patterson’s group that “when participants hold back (because they are afraid of the consequences, want to spare someone’s feelings or don’t want to escalate a conflict) a true dialogue CAN NOT take place.” When you organize your difficult conversations, both participants should be open and remain emotion free.

One of THE most important things I learned in reading Crucial Conversations was to STAY FOCUSED. When I organize my difficult conversations I should be sure I clearly understand WHAT I WANT, WHAT I WANT FOR THE OTHER PERSON and WHAT I WANT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP. I need to also understand before beginning what I DON’T WANT the outcome of the conversation to be. “The only person I can directly control is myself.”

When YOU organize your difficult conversations, the authors of CC suggest you might begin with a dialogue much like this: “I’d like to talk with you about something that is getting in the way of my working with you.  It is a little touchy, but I feel it will help if we can talk about it.  When would you be willing to meet with me and discuss _______?” Dr. John Lund suggests you should ALWAYS ask permission to discuss the issue before you begin the discussion.

Start your conversation with Patterson’s groups ABC’s.

• What you Agree with or on
• Build & add on elements you do not agree on THEN
• Compare the differences

WHEN your organized difficult conversation begins to go bad do these things:

• Apologize when appropriate “The last thing I wanted to do was ___________ (hurt your feelings, make you angry).  I do value you(r) ___________  (friendship, opinion, etc.
• Stay committed to the dialogue. Remember, you organized your difficult conversation so focus on how to move toward what you really hoped to accomplish. Then
• Explore THEIR perspective. Ask questions and mirror responses to guarantee you understand what they are meaning to say.

I do understand that many of these conversations surface when we least expect them. Just this evening I was sucked into one of these difficult conversations which I handled poorly. Medical studies now show that just a modest improvement in the ability to talk and connect with others corresponded to a two-thirds decrease in the death rate of those in later years.

Dr. Lund taught me in his book that when I hope for something that I have very little control over…that is a wish. When I hope, plan and organize something that I do have control over…that becomes a goal.  Let’s take control of our emotions. It is of GREAT value to all of us to learn how to organize our Difficult Conversations. You can do this.

Today is your turn to better someone’s life. Leave a comment telling us what your most difficult conversations have dealt with and what the outcome of that difficult conversation was. Thanks for sharing!

Listen to my online show numbered 032 Organize your Difficult Conversations to hear Laura and I discuss this important issue.

Organize your Vital Records

In a nutshell, your most important papers are called vital records. Organizing important papers is essential and your vital records need to be easily assessable for them to be any good to you. Vital Records are papers with information that is crucial about you, your family, your home, your finances, your health, and your history. (Think: marriage certificates, social security cards, military discharge papers, life insurance policies, etc.) Most of us have had occasion to need specific information and documents at a moment’s notice. Maybe you’ve already thought about gathering your vital records together, but have never gotten around to it. Or, maybe you’ve tried to gather and organize your most important papers, but have gotten stuck. Some of the “roadblocks” to accomplishing this task are:

•we don’t know where to start or what to look for

•we’re not sure what needs to be kept

•the prospect of collecting all the data is overwhelming OR

•there is just too much paper to go through

Well, now is the time to begin Organizing your Vital Records with my 3 Step ACT formula:

First, ASSESS by taking a look at where you are and asking yourself:

1. Why haven’t I done this before?

2. Why do I need to get going on this project?

3. Where am I stuck and why?

4. What is the most important 1st thing I can do today to get all my vital documents in place?

You may recognize some emotional and accountability issues as you begin gathering these important papers—but don’t let them discourage you.

Next, CREATE  – Decide on a planning strategy. To begin the planning stage, I typically begin with six general document categories, then we sub-categorize those according to the needs of my client. Once you have decided on a plan, calendar the task. Begin with a beginning and completion date. Be realistic about the time you will need to invest in organizing your vital records. I would suggest you plan anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months to complete this organizing task. Be sure to work on gathering the needed information each week. Consider options for storage of your vital records by making sure your items are secured.

Step 3 in my organizing formula is TACKLE. This is the step most people actually associate with the project: digging in to the paper, sorting, categorizing, etc.

Your vital records can be housed on-site or off-site. Choose a container that will protect them from damage. For me this includes archival plastic sheets and a waterproof, fireproof portable safe. The labeling is critical! You also need to decide on a location for final storage of these important papers. Some considerations include: a home safe, off-site storage, a safety deposit box, etc.

As circumstances change, so will some of your vital documents (examples: durable financial power of attorney, health care power of attorney, or living will). It’s a great idea to review your important documents ‘collection’ yearly. Be sure to let someone you trust know WHERE these important papers are kept, then review them together.

Often, we are left to deal with emergencies without the necessary knowledge and paperwork to make decisions and move forward. In times of tragedy, we find ourselves with mountains of important papers instead of being able to take the necessary time to reflect and mourn. Organizing your vital records is a MOST IMPORTANT organizing project. I am sure that the time and money you invest NOW in completing this project will offer you the security and calm of knowing where ALL your important papers are located. You don’t want to worry about retrieval of these important documents at a time when your emotions run high.

Peace of mind is worth a little time NOW, isn’t it? If you need my experience and help in Organizing YOUR Important Papers, please contact me. This project is one you want to make sure is done correctly.

Available for purchase in September 2010, my VITAL RECORDS ORGANIZER which can be purchased in the WIN store online. For further information listen now to my online show, The Organized Woman Show. Show number 031 deals with this very topic.

   As part of January 2010 National Get Organized Month I am pleased to offer you this FREE downloadable form focusing on balancing work and family. By investing 10 minutes each week YOU will become a life balance pro. Click here to download your quick and easy Life Balance Worksheet.

Balancing work and family is not an easy job. But if you want to feel you are investing your time and efforts in your priorities, this life balance worksheet is just what you need to begin. I wish you great success! Thanks for droping by.

Please share with other visitors your favorite life balance tip(s) by leaving a comment. You can do this by clicking on the green numeral next to the word “comments” above.

If you are expecting marital success, then planning for success in your blended family, can be easier achieved with some environmental home tips:

Remember to:

• Be realistic
• Be patient AND
• Limit your expectations

Click here to listen to Blended Family Tips part 1 & 2 by my dear friends, Janet and Lisa, on my online show The Organized Woman Show.

Click here to find some great information and to answer the question, What is a blended family? by family help

One more good information article I found while researching, Creating a Happy Blended Family by suite 101.

Home Organizing Workshops

Join Vicki for any or all of the 3 classes she will be teaching during the month of January 2010 in conjunction with National Get Organized Month. The class information is listed below. If you have any questions about the Utah professional orgainzer, Vicki Winterton, and her organizing classes please contact us.

“I just wanted to say thank you for your time in teaching me about time management. As you promised, the “Action File” has changed my life. I’m able to stay on top of the paper mess that comes into my home. I knew the importance of daily maintenance prior to your class (I only learned this in the last year!), but you’ve taught me how to perform daily maintenance on the paper mess, not just tidying the house. Wow! What a great thing!” –Diane, 2009 UVUcommunity education class

Are you tired of making New Year’s Resolutions that, by the end of January, have become another failed attempt at improved self image or moral? Each resolution you set represents a longing of the heart, a personal stretch toward better health, more happiness, or increased wisdom. THIS YEAR  try a new approach. By working on one resolution or goal at a time and following my few simple steps below you will find success in making and keeping your New Years Resolutions.

To begin, make a list or a photo board of your successes this past year. Don’t be modest; make sure you note the learning and the progression that happened.

Next, begin the process of defining your new goals by setting up major goals broken into smaller goal steps:

1. Personalize your goals. Make them specific to you. Use the words “I” and “me” often. Realize you need to focus in on YOU in this step.
2. Write as if you had already accomplished the goal.  Use such terms as “I have”, “I see”, “I feel”, etc.
3. Adjectivize (my own word) the benefits of the Resolution. Use lots of descriptive words to explain the benefits of achieving your goals and resolutions. Words such as: calming, peaceful, energized, terrific, etc.
4. Calendar and schedule with (a) beginning, (b) progression, and (c) completion dates.

Reward yourself with prizes or recognitions of achievement not only when you complete your set goal, but also each day you actively work toward your desired resolution.

Complete THEN Repeat. When you have completed your first New Years Resolution, begin on goal #2. However grand the change we hope for, the vehicle for change is small, simple, daily steps that move us forward. It is the step by step changes each day and week that transport a new goal or resolution to completion. Change is ALWAYS hard for us to make. Be sure you  don’t overwhelm yourself by working on too many goals at once.

If you would like to receive my New Years Resolutions/New Goals Template, please leave a comment on this post and share with us what YOUR top three New Years Resolutions are this year. We love to hear from you!

Blending a family of any variety is an obstacle course with many hardships already built-in to jump over & climb above. The holiday season is especially hard because of all the memories (bad AND good) that come attached to each blended family member.  This week I invited my friend and neighbor, Janet Peterson, mother of 11 children combined, to share some Blended Family Holiday Tips. Listen here to show #023. My friend Janet has maneuvered the course for many years and has been successful! She shares specifics on holiday activities and traditions that have worked for her blended family over the years. A few suggestions include these:

You control Christmas OR Christmas controls you. By learning to simplify Christmas through Holiday Planning this holiday season can be both peaceful and joyful.

I was invited again to do a Studio 5 TV segment titled “Overcome the Overwhelm: Tips to Simplify Christmas”. I shared some great tips for Holiday Planning including some clutter-free gift ideas to make this holiday season easy to manage.

The three tips I shared for better holiday planning were:

1. Make a list of ALL your holiday plans, activities and events, THEN PRIORITIZE your list.
2. Schedule your “Must Do’s” on your December Calendar. Then add in pencil your “Might Do’s”. (see below to print your own Calendar pages)
3. Simplify EVERYTHING you’ve kept on your calendar.

To receive a FREE copy of your very own Christmas Holiday Planner pages, click any of the page links below you would like to have. These are PDF pages and will print just as they are shown. Please leave a comment telling us what you have found to be a “must do” holiday tradition for you or your family.

1. Christmas Holiday Planner (cover page)
2. Holiday VALUES Analyzer
3. Holiday Priorities List
4. December 2009 Calendar
5. Holiday Family Traditions
6. Holiday Decor Inventory
7. Gift List Planner
8. Gift Closet Inventory
9. Holiday Meal Planner
10. AFTER the Holidays Analyzer

We had 75 entires in our drawing and I am pleased to announce that Heather McDonald of Pleasant Grove is the LUCKY WINNER of the Smith’s Food Stores gift card center $100 certificate. She will be able to choose any combination of gift cards from the more than 300 retail stores sponsored and stocked through Smith’s Food & Drug Stores. To enter, Heather subscribed to The Organized Woman Show by email. YOU can subscribe too, right below the show summary (scroll down one or two inches to find it on the left hand side). Click on the link and fill in your email address. You will then be asked to go to your email inbox and finalize the request. It is very easy; 1,2,3 and you are signed up. Once signed up you will be entered in the Smith’s gift card drawing AND will receive weekly updates of new shows with easy tips to help you better plan and organize yourself, your home, your workplace, your family and/or your career.

My online radio show, The Organized Woman Show has many new shows to help you maneuver the holidays easily and with greater finesse. Click on the link above to listen and learn. Some of the shows my co-host and I have recorded this month include:

• 025  Goal Setting including Resolution tips
• 024  Organize your Christmas Decor Storage
• 023 Blended Family Holiday Tips with special guest Janet Peterson
• 022 Organizing a last minute Party
• 021 Winter’s Fun Family Traditions with special guest Cindi Barton
• 020 Clutter Free Gift Ideas
• 019 Preparing a Holiday Meal
• 016 Preparing For House Guests

Just think of it, for ½ the cost of a new desk or ½ the cost of a new TV set, YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE can receive the gift of peace! In fact, I guarantee greater peace of mind!

Imagine the opportunity to organize your home spaces or business office spaces so they are easily maintained for $500 or less at my special Christmas rates?

Suggest this gift option to those buying gifts for you OR give this gift to someone you love who has tried and just doesn’t have the know how to make it happen on their own.

Organizing Gift Certificates Available

Contact me now for organizing help once and for all at 801-623-8411

Winter Season Traditions

Building a stronger family unit is the goal of every mother I know! Holiday Family Traditions are a great way for families to come together to celebrate the fun and festivities of the winter season. I just produced show 021 titled Winter’s Fun Family Traditions hosted on The Organized Woman Show. My sister, Cindi Barton, was my invited guest. She has done such a great job of bringing her family together each time she sees an open opportunity. She shared three fun ideas for building family closeness with winter time family traditions. My show partner, Laura, and I each shared three ideas of our own for beginning new family traditions. Listen to the show by clicking on the bolded link a few lines up. Learn about Cindi’s family’s “Story around the Tree”, Laura’s family’s “Christmas Eve House” and my family’s “Camera, Lights, Cocoa” family traditions.

My friend, Kim Shields, who is SO GREAT at finding time not only for her own children, but even includes many of the neighborhood children in her fun times, emailed me a these great ideas:

• Make sugar cookies together, decorate them and deliver them to neighbors. Enjoy the tasting as you do the baking. Happy tummies make happy workers.
• Pull out the Christmas books, put them in a basket and read the stories together while snacking on pop corn and yummy hot coco each night around the tree.
• Reminisce together over the gifts you have received or have given to someone you value.
• Read the Christmas story from the Bible on Christmas eve. Dress the young children up in simple costumes to act out the nativity story.
• Try to do something nice for someone else who is in need each Christmas.  Deliver a meal and/or toys to a family who really needs some help.
• Buy a boxed gingerbread house at target (about $12) and decorate it with your family. Be sure to buy extra candy so the kids can eat up as you design and compile the house accents.
• Set out a “Countdown to Christmas Calendar” where each day the kids find a very small treat, (think a M&M or hershey’s kiss) to consume each morning before they take off for school. (This is another Winterton family tradition also.)
• Build a “Holiday Chain” for each child’s room to count down the days before Christmas
• Have a treasure hunt for a hidden gift the day before Christmas

For additional winter season family traditions that include non Christmas tradition ideas, click here to read what is being said on the WIN’s conversation board.